It's so nice outside that I don't want to sit in here and do things on the computer, even though they're things I need to be getting done. And my guilt for not doing these things is strong enough that it's keeping me inside and not letting me go savor the sunlight. Together, these forces are combining to leave me trapped on the interweb in a hopelessly nonproductive loop. Also, I forgot to finish filing the other day, so the IRS gets to keep my $7.62. Bastards.

So yesterday I played tennis a little! It was pretty fun, although Nick and I both suck. Also, I cut my hand on the fence so now I have a silly-looking bandaid on my palm. Then we spent a good deal of the afternoon playing Super Paper Mario which is seriously the most hilarious video game on the market today. Also it has almost no learning curve whatsoever, which seems odd when you watch but as soon as you play it's very natural. Probably because the basic controls are exactly the same as they have been in Mario games for the last 20 years? Hmm....

Also, my last post led me to discover the label function on blogger! It amuses me because my posts usually jump around a lot and seeing them summed up makes me wonder about my train of thought.

Tonight I'm going to be going with my Applied TV class to WKBT to watch them broadcast the 6:00 news, which sounds like it should be nifty. And later tonight, I'm going to try sneaking into the Popcorn Tavern to catch someone who's playing there tonight that I may start playing guitar with, possibly. In La Crosse you need to be 21 to get into bars, which I'm not, but I've never tried sneaking into one before and the idea of me getting thrown out of a bar is funny enough that I want to try it.

And finally, a message to [yes, I know nobody reads this anymore, particularly: ] the person who pulled a bomb threat on Sanford [a dorm building on my campus] two days after the Virginia Tech tragedy: You're a disgusting human being.

No Excuses Will Pass These Lips

Today is the last day to file for a tax return, and I'm trying to decide if it's worth doing for my $7.62 refund. Yes, yes I think it is.

So I've been putting in a lot of thinking about whether or not I want to keep on following the college path. The only situation I can think to compare this to is when I was debating on transferring from Knox to (okay, I admit it) live closer to Melissa. And I think I've reached my decision.

I'm not dropping out. (I'm sorry if I disappointed you, Ang. =( )

So I'm sorry to put you guys through all this back-and-forthing and pity-the-poor-indecisive-Chris-ing. But I think now that I've had time to analyze and reanalyze and seriously consider the alternatives, I think I'm finally at a place where I actually do -want- to go to college and I wouldn't be here if I hadn't gone through all this messy stuff.

Anyway! This is the last you will here of that. Starting tomorrow, my blog returns to its usual format of being about nothing in particular and not making our conversations all awkwardlike.

Geekdar Activated

Just a few minutes ago, I had a complete stranger come up to me and ask for tech support. There were two other people with laptops just as close, and he came to me.

I must give off some sort of tech aura.

Even weirder, we compared all the settings (he was trying to get his wireless working) and they were all the same, so he tried again, and it suddenly started working, confirming what many already suspected, that computers work better when I touch them.

In retrospect, he probably picked me because I was the only one who didn't seem to be doing work on my computer. I was reading Dr. McNinja at the time.

Gotta Meet The Guy Who Does This Alone

The thing that makes blogs (especially my blog) unreliable is the wait. My wait for comments before I post again, and your wait to see what I post next, to see if I reach a decision. Well, I've officially reached a conclusion:

I might take a year or two or more off school.
And I might not.

The truth is I have no idea and I have less and less of an idea every day. I bounce back and forth faster than a Democratic candidate. (Oh, man, that joke would have killed 3 years ago when it was relevant!)

Every single person who responded to my last post was right. And I've looked at it from all those angles. Maybe that's what makes this whole thing so messy. I always play devil's advocate to others--when I can be my own DA the possibilities are endless.

Martin noted (and Angela has called me on this multiple times as well) that I have an innate ability to turn a conversation completely around and make it about the other person. I can utilize this at will but often it activates itself and it can be very tricky to catch. And we've discovered there's a sort of chain--that there are a lot of people out there who are alright being listeners, but even they need to vent to a few specific people. And I'm one of the people they often talk to. But that's where the chain sort of stops, at me--it takes a lot of effort to get a little bit of personal information about me. Like a walnut, or something.

The point I'm getting to is, I don't usually have the need to unload like most people do (or at least I never used to). I try to be there for my friends when they need me, because I know they'd do the same. And that's enough. Just knowing that they -would- if I called on them is enough for me.

What I'm struggling to say here is that I appreciate the support and honesty. Chris no talk feelings good.

Going back to my very first point, I will make an effort to minimalize the wait between posts (which means I will not be such a commentwhore anymore no matter how much i want to be). Melissa discovered my Facebook blog feed the other day and she asked me why I blogged. Fact: I've had this same URL since possibly 8th grade, although the blog itself has gone through a handful of changes and also a large chunk of it was blasted off the face of the internet. I'd say it became routine, but at times my updates were so sporadic that I don't see how that's possible.

And it's not like I think my life is so interesting that everyone wants to hear about it. Look-at-what-I-did-today is one of the worst kinds of blogs. So I'm not entirely sure why I'm doing it--but I continue to get comments, roughly 1.5 per post (made up statistic) and so as long as I know someone's reading, I'm going to keep writing. I feel like I've done something with my time, and you get something to read, or a chance to check up on a friend, or a way to get inside my head and wonder what's wrong with me, whatever. As futile as I know it is, it doesn't feel that way, so I continue. I think that's why it always makes me sad when friends stop updating.

That being said, I'm pretty sure she's only read the 25-or-so posts that fed over to Facebook before it decided to stop about a month ago, and I'm a little afraid to show her the rest of the archives. Although, it is coming up on two years since I made that post about a girl my friends wanted to set me up with that I had no interest in whatsoever...

I get distracted when I write these and by the time I reach the end I never know how to close, because I've usually deviated to at least one or two other topics but the inner writer inside of me (he has been acting up ever since I started listening to I Should Be Writing) feels the need for a good conclusion, which more often than not ends up being something saying how I don't know how to say or a brief, "it's over!"

So, in conclusion, I haven't figured out what I'm going to do yet, but I think I almost have all the pieces of this 1000 piece puzzle and I should be able to start putting it together soon. Promise me you'll try to help if only by hanging out and keeping me sane while I try to find out why there are 600 blue sky pieces, and I promise to try to keep you updated. All we can do is try, right? We never fail if we're trying.