The Hardest Music To Enjoy Is That Which You Create

So what have I been up to since the dullness of last Sunday? Why, more dullness, of course. However this week's dullness was interrupted by a small amount of music. Ok, a hellish amount of music.

As you all know, or do now, I was really nervous 'bout my solo. Mainly because I can't play it as good as I should be able to. But then Thursday afternoon, my band director just suddenly informs me, two days before contest, "You're playing unaccompannied."

What?

It looks a lot better at Contest if you're playing with piano. It's a bigger challenge, when you have to play in tune with the accompanist, and I think--we never did find out, come to think of it--it's impossible to go to state without one. Not that I thought I would. I just thought it'd be nice to be able to.

So Thursday night I went to piano lessons with Dawn and Lauren, 'cause they said that Mrs. Walby would play my accompany part. So we went through it--the first time she'd ever played it, and it was way better than Mrs. Degenhardt's version. But two days before the contest is not the time to be looking for the first time.

On the bright side, going to the lesson (which wasn't really a lesson, as neither of them really did a lot of piano playing) was really fun. =D Dawn screamed in the car when lightning struck, which was fun. Almost makes me wish I could go with 'em next week, too.

So Saturday rolls around. Day of performance. Morning time I'm stressing out. Sort of. Trying not to think about how horrible my solo'll be. I watched a few others, and before I knew it, 'twas time to play Rhapsody. Second time EVER playing it with Mrs. Walby on piano. We made it through. I didn't even have to stop. =D It was weird,though. I swear, I was thinking something and then my fingers were doing their thing completely independently, because whenever I thought about hitting those notes before, I screwed up. I still screwed up, 'course, but not as badly. Then I got to face...dun dun dun...the judge.

There are two types of judges at Contest. Accuracy judges, and expression judges. You can't please both. Problem is, you never know what kind you'll get. Mine was a hardcore expression judge. He marked everything excellent on my sheet--including accuracy, which proves he wasn't an accuracy judge, because I messed up a lot--except for Expression, which was just a measly "good." The "good" that kept me from going to state. Which is good, because I really didn't want to have to go and play again...heheh. But still. It's a little aggrivating, and yet I don't really care. I got a first. =D Which was more than I expected. Honestly, if I'd had another week (or started earlier..<.< >.>...) I think I could've gone to state. And maybe actually been confident. Or a little more confident. I couldn't possibly have been less confident then I was. ^^;;

According to my judge, tho', my piece would be an excellent song to play to my girlfriend, if I had one. Quite romantic. *nodnod* There's one part that I really like that I think I'm going to try recording and posting a sample of, so you poor people have to listen too.

Another good thing--most of the stuff the judge mentioned, I noticed while I played. 'Cept the expression stuff. He went really into that. But I couldn't do any of that stuff 'cause it was only my second time. ;-;

Ahh, well. I did good, and Lauren and John are each going to state. Twice apiece. Both for their solos, (John singing, Lauren on French Horn) and their trio (including Dawn! ^^) got a *1 too.

It's weird how seriously I took this this year. Usually it's all, "ehh, it's just another contest." This year I either really liked my song, or maybe I'm starting to take playing music seriously. Yes! Me, serious. I can't believe it either.

Speaking of being serious about music.

Why can't I play something this pretty? ;-;


Soundtrack:
My Own Prison -- Creed
Hyperlink (Deep Down) -- Eiffel 65
Counting Blue Cars -- Dishwalla
My Friend So Long -- DC Talk

Meeeeh.

It's getting increasingly harder to blog because I'm getting increasingly unsure what it is exactly that I'm trying to say and why. I've never wanted this to be one of those blogs that does nothing but say what I've done, but that's the direction it's heading. (That being said, I went bowling and got three hours of sleep Saturday night. Really, I should be dead tired right now. But I'm not, 'course.) Most of the time spent posting in here is just staring at the little text box trying to think up something remotely interesting that doesn't make people want to stab me. Myself included.
So what can I say that's really worth typing? Very little. Just the same things. Bitching about lack of ambition. About other people. About loneliness. Or the old failsafe,about nothing.

It's extremely tiring and frustrating knowing that if I put any effort into it, I could probably fix all those problems and yet I don't. Why? Hell if I know. Maybe I have that fear of success thing that we spent some time on in Psychology. But I'm not sure, because I never fully grasped that concept and how it differed from fear of failure. But anyway.

I know what I need to do. What I should do. What I'd tell somebody else in my position to do. To quote Five Iron Frenzy, "I point the finger but I can't take my own advice."

I'd like more than anything to use this post to say something like, "Ok, now it ends. Now I get my ass in gear and start getting motivated." But if I said that, I'd be kidding myself, because I've said similar things and then done nothing. Several times.

There's one of those tiny flies flying around my laptop. He's driving me insane here.

On the bright side, I at least have the ambition to stop whining. On to bigger and better topics.

I got Crimson Skies today. After playing the X-Box demo, I figured the computer game was worth checking out, since I don't have an XBox.

Oooh. Kamikaze. Love this song. Fits the starter of my post perfectly.

Returning to the game. It's a pretty fun game. Not an extremely realistic flight sim, but yet not completely unbelievable (with the possible exception of some of the planes--they're odd. Cool, but odd.) It's kinda tough (or I just suck at it) but I like it, 'specially the lame comments and stuff. "When you hit the ground, say that Zachary sent you!" That kinda stuff. Tho' it is supposed to take place in 1937.

And bowling Saturday I got a 171, best score I've ever gotten. Not a huge achievement, but at least it's something.

This blog post has a hella good soundtrack to it.

Music:
Calm Like a Bomb - Rage Against the Machine
Thinking of You - Student Rick
In The End - Linkin Park
One Late Night - Default
Every Day Is A Winding Road - Sheryl Crow
Kamikaze - Five Iron Frenzy
So Far Away - Staind

The Living Undead

I'm beginning to think that maybe I should start going to sleep earlier. I'm sure it wouldn't make a diffence, but you never know. Something to keep in mind if I ever get tired of walking around with only slightly more movement than your average sleepwalker.

Anywho. Barely got to school this morning. My car doors were frozen shut, so I used a hammer to get into my car. Then, I lost a wiper. I'm down to just the left one now, and it's held on by a twist-tie.

I still haven't heard from the places I applied at. I get the feeling that I didn't get either job. Not surprisingly.

Heh. This song reminds me of something Lauren keeps saying. "Don't you people ever get sick and tired of being tired and sick?" "Yes," I keep saying, "But we're all too stupid to do anything about it."

I finally started trying some missions in GTA3 again. I might just make it to the third island without cheat codes yet!

Saturday I'm supposed to attend my cousin's birthday party Sunday I'm supposed to stay at home because and old friend (the type that just drops by when it's convenient) and her son are supposed to drop by. My weekend hasn't even arrived yet, and it already sucks. A new personal speed record. I think I'm spending the night at Martin's Saturday. (Luckily, we've got to do an English project, so I have a good excuse.) I'm sure all those people I don't care to see will understand.

Nnng. Why am I still up? At 9:30 I was actually considering sleep. But for some stupid reason I stayed up then, and I'm still up now. Still typing in this thing. And what am I getting out of it? A chance to suffer through Friday on the edge of consciousness all while maintaining a sarcastic manner and managing not to fall over.
And people wonder why I'm not a morning person.

Music of this blog entry:
Don't Hate Me -- Rufio
Sick and Tired -- Default
Pieces -- Hoobastank
By Myself -- Linkin Park

I thought one song just wasn't enough, considering it usually takes me more than one to do one of these stupid posts. Of course, half the time is spent just staring at the text box thinking about what I could possibly say to make my life sound even remotely interesting. Then when I don't come up with anything, I just say something like what I'm saying now.

At any rate, I'm leaving now. I've got dreams to have.