Biography of an Autobiography

My senior seminar was on the topic of autobiography and memoir, and one of the things we frequently discussed was the fact that you can never really write an autobiography, because inevitably, you're writing about a different person--a person who existed before you, who was you but in certain ways no longer is you. You write autobiography from your memories, which means that at best, you're writing a biography of the person you remember. It's impossible to get it all exactly right.

So let me introduce you to the person who used to write on this blog.

His name is Chris. He tends to stay up late on his computer and not accomplish much in the process, and he has absolutely no idea what he wants to do in the future. That will still be true in 8 years, when he eventually writes this post.

Chris is in high school, where he's involved in math, drama, and band (the nerd trifecta). He's also learned that being in all three of those traditionally unpopular categories doesn't really matter if you don't let it and you're a little lucky, and while he's by no means a popular kid, he's got a strong group of friends. He's hopelessly kind of maybe sort of in love with one of them, but instead of doing something about it, he's mostly going to complain on the internet because doing difficult, scary things is difficult and scary.

He lives with his parents, unsurprisingly, and it upsets them when he's still awake at 4:00 in the morning or when he stays over at a friend's place without telling them. He's gotten skilled at pretending to be asleep (and actually being asleep well into the afternoon).

Chris is a little odd. He claims to lack any confidence, but it's clearly there when he speaks on social situations. He applied to only one college, knowing that it only accepted 20% of applicants and that he'd have no backup plan. But still he insists in his belief that a lack of confidence is one of his biggest flaws.

There are some things that Chris has no interest in doing--he doesn't want to play D&D, he doesn't care about sports, and he has absolutely no desire to go to college in La Crosse. He doesn't drink or smoke--both because it's not legal and because he has no desire to. He doesn't know if he would ever get married, though he isn't opposed to it.

There are some things he doesn't tell anyone about. On warm nights, he likes to sit outside at 2:30 in the morning and look at the stars. He's recently learned to play the guitar, and if nobody's around, tries to sing while playing. And when he's near the girl from a few paragraphs ago, he doesn't tell her how he feels even though it's the thing he most wants to do.

As much as I like to think of myself as being a master procrastinator, Chris may be even better at it. He doesn't have YouTube or Facebook or Netflix--no high speed internet at all, in fact. Procrastination comes mainly in the forms of games, late-night TV, and instant messaging clients. He's got a talent for putting things off that will stretch into and beyond his college years.

It was a fun topic to talk about in class. Chris is me, but I'm not Chris. They're my stories to tell, but they happened to a different person. He didn't keep very good records, so the memories I have now are all I have, complete with any flaws that may have come up since then.

The reason I bring up Chris from then is because I've been thinking about Chris from then lately. There are things that annoy me about him. But it's not his lack of action or his stubbornness that I've been thinking about. It's just this:

What would he think of me?