I managed to squeak by with a post in April, but alas, monthly posting was not to be. Sorry to leave you out, May. Better luck next year.
So I've been thinking about creative output, and come to a realization that's encouraging as it is depressing. Since graduating, writing/videomaking/musicmaking has had a radically different feel. Now that my only obvious identifier is my full-time job, it feels more and more crucial that I hang on to these creative outlets since letting go of them will mean surrendering to the terrifying (but realistic) vision of a mundane office worker life. Writing feels more urgent, but there's also a distinct sense of what's-the-point when it's not going towards a class. Now the driving force behind it needs to be
me, and that's a challenge. Procrastination is far easier, and frequently more enjoyable.
I tried to do the numbers in my head, and it's the results that give me mixed feelings. Since graduating and moving to Madison, I've defeated my first every NaNoWriMo and I've started
trying to get used to singing for an audience. I've done some gaming-related writing, which is still better than no writing at all. In terms of non-academic work, it's the most I've probably done ever. Go me!
Then I look back at the list, notice how short it is, and realize that
it's the most I've ever done. It doesn't make this year any better, it just shows how pitiful the years before were.
I'm just going to assume that this is a good thing, and that shame and pride have some sort of perfect balancing point that can drive you forward without worrying too much about what's behind you. Because, well, it's better than the alternative.
