rantrantrant

A lot's been going on lately, sort of. A lot has changed since I last posted. I'm engaged now, which comes as a surprise to everyone, including myself. I realize full well the dangers [and foolishness] of getting engaged at such a young age, but to be perfectly honest, it's the one decision I've made in the past year or so that actually feels right. And anyway, the actual wedding won't be for a couple years, at least.

I've gone back on my decision to stay in college and now I'm back in the indecisive state. Part of me thinks the best idea is to go back and part of me doesn't see the point. But hey, it might be too late for me to go back now and the choice will be made for me.

I feel very melancholy writing this. I've discovered recently that I sort of miss those week-or-so spurts of wild blogging because there are parts of my life that I really wish were chronicled somehow. Like, for example, if I'd posted the day I'd proposed it wouldn't have been a statement, hey, I'm engaged now. It would have been filled with exclamation points and an endearing excitement. It might have mentioned my ring-shopping anxiety or the way she tried not to cry but did anyway. But tonight it's just factual.

If someone would just tell me what I wanted to do with my life, all this would be a lot easier.

Man, listen to me. Bitch bitch bitch. Ohnoes I'm the first person in the world not to know what they're doing with their life. ohemmgee how terrible for me. Fuck you, emochris. You're engaged to a girl you're hopelessly and completely in love with. You don't know what you're doing with your life? At least you have someone to help you through it. And you live in a house with a bunch of your friends and you work at a job you have fun doing. How horrible. What, your parents love you unconditionally and this causes them to occasionally be irritating? Oh man how do you make it through the DAY. The only one you have any cause to be bitter with it yourself.

So, this post sort of backfired. I think I hate myself more now than I did before. Hm.