I've Been Waiting For Something...

I'm challenging myself to post daily, so that I'm at least writing -something- every day. Slowly but surely I'm trying to work back into writing. It's funny how over the past few years it turned from something I seemed to remember genuinely enjoying to a chore. I stopped writing for myself entirely and so everything turned into an excuse--why write in my blog if everyone has stopped reading it? Why put work into this assignment when I can BS my way to an A no problem? Why work on a story that isn't -for- anything?

And I've been realizing more and more lately that I want more than anything just to create. I've had the ideas all along but I've been lacking any kind of ambition. But I think I'm beginning to ease into it. Also, I've sort of given myself a kick to get started, because I've changed my mind yet again--and I'm taking the year off from school. Ultimately, the next year serves as a test for me. The majority of my friends will be either in school or working full-time so I'll have days to myself, and what I do with them will determine, really, the rest of my life. If it turns out that I really am so terminally lazy [or such a terrible writer] then I'll head back to college and throw myself upon the mercy of computer science. Which, by the way, isn't to say that I'm not still interested in it. But when I picture a career in computer science, it bores me. Technology, in small doses, still thrills me sometimes, I'll admit it. And there are some kick-ass jobs in the computer science industry. And with them come thousands and thousands of boring programming gigs. I could do it, yeah. And I'd make more money, and I'd probably have an easier life. But it's not for me.

If I could make a living just creating the things I want to create, that's what I want to do. Is it likely to happen? Not terribly. But I don't think I can possibly give up on it without even trying. [Don't worry, I'm not quitting my job too. I'm being naive, not stupid.] In addition to writing I want to put some time into music as well, songwriting and arranging and recording if it gets that far.

So this is where it begins. They say journaling on a daily basis is important for writers, and I figure blogging is close enough.

Oh, and anyone curious about that last post: Elizabeth Mohl was a sixteen-year-old girl who died at Lifest, a Christian rock festival in Osh Kosh that most of you know I go to every year. There was a bungee ride there and she fell from the top of it, about 50-60 feet and died that night of the resulting injuries. The fest continued [but everything was late; apparantly the staff had to make the difficult decision of whether or not to cancel the fest] but we were all pretty shaken up over the whole thing. I had actually been writing about Lifest while I was there and had planned to type up everything as blog entries when I got back, but it seemed a lot less important after what happened. I'm alright, now, but I was pretty freaked out at the time and I'm pretty sure that the friends I went with came as close as they may ever be to seeing me break down. That being said, Lifest was for the most part another positive experience and I'll more than likely end up going again next year--but if I ever feel as helpless as I did when I saw her body it'll be too soon.